Restoration

This current journey I am on towards making my dream a reality didn't truly hit me until this month. Because I never graduated high school, I would often find myself living in nostalgia, thinking that I had to try harder and harder each year just to make up for all the times I felt like a complete failure. When I finally started feeling like I was making progress within my self esteem as a student, in class, in my writing, in life...there was no one there to fully understand how elevated my mind had become after pouring thousands and thousands of words onto papers and reading dozens of books and stories that not only broadened my views on life, but molded me into this individual who finally heard the whispering voices of Accomplishment. I was so blessed to have family and friends who supported me and my education, yet there was no one who really understood  how strongly the renovation of my mind affected me. I just wanted to converse about books I read, papers I wrote, forgotten histories we learned about in class, and how writing seemed to be the key to immortality, yet I did not say a word because that feeling of doubt and that fear of failure came creeping through my window right before I was able to fully grasp Pride.

I began to underestimate myself, thinking "What is the use of my education, if I have no one to share my knowledge with?" I started to compare myself to others, thinking "What good is this wealth of knowledge, when my head is stuck in books every single day, I'm always low on money and all my friends and family are out getting paid?" I was back where I started - full of fear and self doubt.

It didn't hit me until this month.

How ironic is it that I did not graduate because I failed my senior year in high school and now that it is my senior year in college, I have been tested by the world to see if I would give in to those fears and doubts of the Past...and I passed.

I could not fully grasp Pride because that's not what I was meant to hold.
I was tested so that I could learn how to humble myself and that was all.